Monday, April 26, 2010

sunday, bloody sunday

Here's what happened:

I intended to have a reasonably productive yet relaxing Sunday. The South African hottie has taught me how much time I've been wasting and I had decided to manage my Twitter and Buzz streams a little bit so that I don't lose so much time keeping current.

It was a disaster.

I made some new lists for Twitter but they only made the situation worse. Now I had 13 columns to create and after adding about seven or eight of them I realized TweetDeck was becoming impossible.

I switched to HootSuite, which is better suited to a large number of lists, but then I became overwhelmed by the very first of my columns when I attempted to catch up on it ... after a week or more of being away.

I jumped over to Buzz, to see if I could get myself in order over there. Bad idea: more chaos.

I decided I'd leave the PC for a while and go paint the baseboards in the spare room. I've been picking away at a refresh of that room since the fall and all I have left is the trim and the ceiling.

I got into the room and removed the painter's tape from my last session. As usual, a few tiny bits remained behind as I tore it away. Tweezers would be the best way of dealing with them but Dotty was in the shower and that meant I'd have to wait almost an hour (she's pretty damn slow in there).

I noticed the baseboards and ceiling needed a wash before I painted. But I couldn't do that while Dotty was in the shower. Bah!

It was definitely one of those days. By the time I got to my run, I felt empty. I didn't want to do it, I couldn't even remember why I'd committed to the program in the first place, and all I wanted to do was eat and eat and eat and eat. Not because I was hungry, just because I wanted the comfort only potato chips and chocolate can bring.

I got onto the treadmill. Even the warm-up walk felt challenging.

I started running. I had decided to try listening to a podcast instead of my music, as the tunes didn't seem to make the time go by very fast.

Quirks & Quarks is normally fascinating. The episode I happened to choose, however, talked about a dinosaur fossil and about the impact of dust on climate. The topics were even less interesting than I just made them sound.

I made it 20 minutes into the run. I had five minutes left. And the thought of it really did seem impossible. I just didn't have it. I went into the cool-down, instead. I gave up.

I wanted to cry. I felt disappointed, sad and lost. It was scary and confusing.

I wanted to quit everything. I wanted to quit my job and stay home and eat and read and do cross stitch. I started to panic at the thought of the energy I'd require just to go into work on Monday.

And then I decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself. At least now I had something to call on the next time I felt like finishing a run early: quitting felt pretty damn horrible.

I considered doing the run again tonight but then decided to just let it go. I'll chalk it up to experience and just do the next one as scheduled.

And this weekend, I'm buying some goddam running shorts and hitting the damn pavement. If the tunes and the podcasts aren't enough of a distraction, maybe the ditches and the neighborhood dogs will be.

2 comments:

  1. You crack me up! I plot a 2-2.5 mile course so that i'm prepared. And I don't turn around until I hit my 1/2 way mark. No way to chicken out LOL

    Don't get cotton, get good running shorts. Avoid the chaffage...

    Check out motiontraxx.com for good music. The tempo is set to your pace :)

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  2. Oooo - thanks for the motiontraxx tip; I'll give it a go!

    And yes, I plan to get good running shorts for sure. I have some cycling shorts but they have a built-in diaper (not for peeing) and I think I'd look like I was running with a full load, if you know what I mean, so they're out.

    Here's to tonight!

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